A tale of two Joes


If Sunday’s visit to Aberdeen highlighted one thing more than any other, it was the differing fortunes and qualities of Rangers’ two Joes.

When the Bread Man made the inexplicable decision to shell out a whopping near-£2M on Preston-North End’s Joe Garner last summer, there was confusion all round. Everything in the 28 year old’s CV pointed to pure average, with a litany of wasted time in the lower leagues of the EFL and a mediocre goal-scoring record to show for it. No significant team was willing to give him the light of day in their first team, and his general ability pointed to England’s lower leagues being his level.

There is the horrible inescapable truth that Joe Garner, for a striker, is not very good at being a striker. In fact, his performances for Rangers, the occasionally decent holding display aside, have been utterly pathetic with barely a goal scored amongst it all. When one picks apart at his ability, one struggles to unearth anything he is actually competent at, apart from his admittedly reasonable aerial ability. He does not score, he does not create, he does not come deeper to help his midfield, he does not link play, and he generally looks completely lost.

In fact the one thing he truly excels at, and you knew I was coming to this, is being a petulant, crude, cheating little crybaby. I am quite sure off the pitch the man is a perfect gentleman, so this is nothing personal (got no axe against the man himself), but on the pitch he is ghastly and has soured Rangers’ shirt more than once. That episode on Sunday with Ryan Jack summed the player up – yes, Jack certainly did meet his head, but the dive that resulted from it was embarrassing – and he is only too happy to stick the boot in and kick opponents while laughing.

It is not any Rangers conduct that I know, and I cannot recall disliking a player’s style more than I do Garner’s. Think to how Wilson shrugged off a broken nose and played on – as much as this endeared him more to Rangers fans, it was also honest. An honest moment with a player taking it on the chin, making no fuss, and just moving on. Compared with Garner it was night and day.

And to the other Joe of the story? Joe Dodoo of course. This ex-Leicester striker has been absolutely abominably wasted since arriving at Ibrox, and has rarely done anything beyond giving a solid account of himself when making one of his rare appearances. His cameo at Pittodrie quite simply changed the game – his assist for Kenny Miller’s second was composure personified, while his own goal was clinical as a surgical knife, and equally as cutting. It was a damn shame he smacked the bar for he deserved a second.

Young Dodoo has got his head down, never moaned about being on the bench, and behaved extremely well in his time at Ibrox, unlike his namesake elder. He has also given his manager a selection headache. Well. I say headache – for me it would be bewildering if Garner starts this weekend, while Dodoo has absolutely earned his chance to start regularly, with Thistle recent victims of his as well as Derek McInnes’ men.

(Unfortunately) we’ve got, Joey Garner.

(Thankfully) we have, Joe Dodoo too.


  1. Couldn't agree more garner and waghorn couldn't score in a brothel. Dodoo deserves a run in the team

  2. Garners reaction was shameful in my opinion. Yes he may have had felt some sort of contact from Jack but it was a totally inappropriate and such an overreaction. When watching it unfold I found myself being more annoyed at Garner than I did Jack! The petulance was almost unbearable. Nothing more than a child who throws a temper tantrum.
    He is not a man (used loosely) who is fit to be wearing The Famous Jersey.

    On a brighter note I definitely agree about Dodoo. Like Hassan I'd give the lad a run. He's certainly earned his place in the team. In my eyes he looked stronger and fitter on Sunday. Not so waif like. So I'd have him in my team come Saturday. Let us see what the lad can do from the beginning.

  3. Garner sums up Ex Manager Warburton's scattergun approach to the transfer market. Never a signing that was going to score the goals we require in our first season back. He is petulant, childish & has nothing going for him other than a nuisance value. Poor waste of valuable transfer money. Like the others, I hope to see Dodoo get a proper run in the side

  4. Every one ready lets do a fans ownership we can do it like others have done but better and bigger.

  5. I'd like to see both playing together through the middle and would expect a barrow load of goals from both.I think you are a bit hard on Joe G. Given decent service he will score goals. Hard tackling midfielders and ball winners we don't have right now. When we do get them in watch these two guys score. Warburton had Garner all over the place. Hopefully Pedro's ultra attacking format will suit both Joe's, they certainly have my vote.

  6. I said last summer that Garner was waste of money and he is no better (or different) compared to Waghorn. Hopefully this summer we see a 6"5 centre forward to give us the aerial option we've been lacking. I'd like Osman Sow (used to be Hearts, went to China but now on loan in Middle East)

  7. You have summed my feelings up perfectly. Garner is absolutely shocking, young Dodoo could turn out a cracking player givin the chance. WATP

  8. i agree with your article garner is an embarassing almost everygame to get booked after 4 minutes shocking and then walking a tightrope for the time he spent on the pitch hopefully dodoo will now get a run in the team and just an observation how much more secure danny wilson looks now he doesnt have kiernan along side him

  9. Garners reaction was embarrassing and guess what,the press have jumped on it big time,but remember something jack put his head in garners face and made contact that is violent conduct and a red card,do you think if garner would have done the same would he have stayed on the pitch ?.

  10. Sell Garner to Forest for what we paid and you won't be able to wipe the smile off my face!
    Just watched Dodoos thistle goals again. Composed and creative. From memory he scored the next game against
    Hearts but was disallowed. I don't think I saw him again! WTF…

  11. Garner won't ever cut it in Scottish Football for all the talk of being physical he lacks the strength and determination to penetrate any solid centre half or back four . Move him on give Dodoo a chance and also move Waghorn on and Tavernier and Halliday and Kiernan…….

    • Fingers crossed on that one… Though I'd keep Waghorn as a squad player but add McKay to that lot also.. You can add MO to that list if he's not got a valid reason for no show at U20's

  12. Well put and right in every department.. Never rated him as a player – his actions have been an embarrassment to the badge & club.. Dodo can only get better 🇬🇧

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