Ok, the actual chances of Rangers signing Cristiano Ronaldo are about the same as yours truly scoring a threeway with Salma Hayek and Jessica Alba but the reality of the world’s biggest football star wanting to leave Man Utd for UCL football opens up the pathway for 32 clubs to sign him.

We can already hear the ‘who’s writing this p*sh’ calls from the background as the majority of Bears deride the topic (rightly, in fairness), but is Ronaldo joining the Famous any more preposterous than Rangers being just over three weeks off UCL qualifying and the start of the new season with absolutely no new signings in tow?

Being deadpan, Ronaldo is a legend and getting him to Ibrox would be a miracle of seismic proportions – we thought Aaron Ramsey and Paul Gascoigne were big signings, and they were – this would be the biggest signing in Scottish history by an absolute mile.

It’s not happening, not unless he’s taking a whopping paycut and fancies a dramatic change in career.

Although in saying that his ex international team mate and close friend Bruno Alves could certainly put a word in his ear about how great Ibrox is.

Alves didn’t have an incredible time at Rangers, but he was a popular guy who carried himself well and he was the biggest Portuguese player to ply their trade in Glasgow and he only has good memories of Rangers.

Are we really saying Bruno Alves is going to persuade Cris Ronaldo to sign for Rangers?

Of course not – but Ron is moving on from Utd it seems, and bear in mind he joined THEM when their stock was bloody low.

Sure there’s his personal connections but the club is a basket case and was even worse when he joined.

So let’s not assume it’s too ambitious on that basis.

No, we basically can’t afford him as things stand.

But get to the UCL? Crazier things have happened we suppose…