Celtic fans launch petition to investigate Rangers allegations

Celtic fans launch petition to investigate Rangers allegations
He's in there.... (Photo by JEROEN PUTMANS/ANP/AFP via Getty Images)

A group of moonhowling Celtic fans has launched a petition to look into potential doping at Ibrox.

The bonkers page, started by a ‘Jim McPhail’, is hopefully tongue in cheek, but does have 154 signatures at the time of writing, so clearly momentum is gathering.

In short, the petition demands an investigation into, effectively, why Rangers are so good, and suggests that performance-enhancing narcotics have been smuggled in and are doping the Rangers players to be bigger, better, fitter, and faster than their rivals.

Says the blessed Jim:

“It has become apparent that The Rangers Football Club – established in 2012 from the remains of the now-defunct Rangers Football Club (1872), is using state-of-the-art performance-enhancing drugs on its playing squad.”

He’s got a point – we’re just so good now, how can it be legal?

But of course, this is the kind of mentalism we have come to expect from our glorious country and the absolute muppets who breed here.

Yes indeed, this guy seems to truly believe there’s doping going on, because good old fashioned ability and high quality training could never produce results like these.

We’ll leave the final line to Mr McPhail:

“On visual inspection The Rangers squad looks more like a team of bodybuilders than football players, Jermaine Defoe in particular, a man fast approaching 40, is charging around looking like a miniature Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, The Peoples eyebrows are certainly being raised.”

On yersel Jim.

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